That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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