I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
