i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
