i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
