If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Vodka?
Forever.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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