No stitches, just platelets and will power
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
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