my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
