there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
