yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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