He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
