The maid of honor just puked.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
