If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Randomize
