Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Pants are for mortals
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
