I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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