mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
