I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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