I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
