fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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