just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
