i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
