Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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