Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
