you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
