Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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