If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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