I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
