not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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