dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
