I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
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