This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Found the puke drawer
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
