So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
