I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
