my room smells like sperm. sweet.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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