I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
