And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
