HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
