Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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