i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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