just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
