I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
they need to just BURY HIM!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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