Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
