After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
