would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize