Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Enjoy the penises
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
