if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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