You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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