So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize