Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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