what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize