I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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