Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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