I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I want her autograph on my taint
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
