I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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