I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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