in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
