hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
