I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
