Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
