And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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