i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
