I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
