She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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