It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
