5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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