i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize