my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i may or may not be watching the land before time
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize