Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
