I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
