That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
