At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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